There have always been days when I would just crawl into my bed and throw my head on the pillow and wonder about the problems that I was struggling with. Problems that would persist and nag. Problems that refused to reveal themselves to me wholly. Problems that left me drained due to the ruthless and intricate attempts I made to find answers to, but which, in the end, didn’t always have an apparent solution to them. Ultimately leaving me bewildered and clueless and grumpy and disappointed: sometimes in myself and sometimes in the world.
It is often a hard choice to make, one could argue, between the whims of the heart and of the mind. There’s always a doubt that exists somewhere within, a doubt about what sort of outcome may have been possible had we not chosen one over the other. For a person like me, who tries to encapsulate passion and sensibility in equal measure and in most of my decisions, there’s always a time where I am up to my neck with the complications that I end up drawing out for myself, and that, I’m sure you’ll agree, can be very hard to deal with.
Its just a never ending battle between choices. There’s always a waging war between right and wrong, today or tomorrow, university or work, or between morality and lust, humanness and cold detachment… and the list could go on endlessly. There’s always something that could be done, or should be done or must be done. But if there’s one thing I have learnt from my time here on earth, it has been that no matter what decision you make, there has to be one person backing that decision, and that person has to be you.
Once that is over, the second step must be taken. It is a step that is rarely spoken of nowadays, which is why it is not easy to take anymore. Perhaps one of the reasons it is more difficult today is because it is getting harder and harder to believe in the larger narrative of Guardian Angles and God and Love. But I must state that it is precisely because of the fact that it is getting harder to believe in that narrative, that it is imperative for us to do so. More now than ever before.
The second step is the utterly monumental step: taking a leap of faith. It is a step that may have become one that is scantily used and hardly talked about, but despite its disremembered power, it remains invincible. For me, I imagine faith to be a kind of inviolable promise that the soul we embody would have made with God before descending here to live our lives as humans. The one link that would always connect us with the Creator and revitalise us, unconditionally.
Almost every day I come across articles of ‘ten things’ or lists or quick tips about how you could possibly make the most of your twenty-four hours. These lists are normally compiled by recording the responses of “highly successful people”, and the more I read them, the more I see that while most of them are being able to churn out excessive amounts of productive work they do rather well, somewhere along the way they are missing out on what I assume they are here to do: Live.
Each morning when we wake up, there’s only one thing we need to do. Make sure we have our hearts in the right place. Everything else, literally, everything else will get taken care of. Lately, despite constant inputs regarding the importance of “rationally weighing the options” before you choose them, I have made an important discovery: that while we are, in our own ways powerful beyond measure, if we just leave a little bit of our lives in the hands of Higher forms of energy, or the Universe or The Almighty, we can be assured that we will end up in the spot we as individuals belong to, eventually.
So once in a while, let’s just take a step back from ourselves and see where the universe wants us to be, because in so doing, we will find that perhaps the wisdom of the cosmos is larger, older and much more sophisticated than the one that you and I with our limited sensibilities can contain.
And don’t forget to remind yourself even in the toughest of situations, that there is a purpose and there is a higher meaning.
Even if the memes you see everyday tell you otherwise.
I am a traveller on my search, and I hope you are too. I am willing to take a leap of faith. Are you?